Long before a baby arrives, many women start thinking about feeding.
There are books, classes, conversations and opinions. People ask whether you’re planning to breastfeed and offer advice long before you’ve even met your baby.
It’s easy to come away with the impression that if you prepare well enough, you’ll know what to expect.
The reality is that breastfeeding is often far less predictable than people make it sound.
My two sons taught me that.
My Two Very Different Experiences
Breastfeeding was one of the things I worried about most during my first pregnancy.
For years we’d heard messages about breastfeeding being the best start for a baby and it’s easy to absorb the idea that feeding is something your body should simply know how to do.
So when it hurts, when feeding doesn’t go to plan or when you find yourself struggling much more than you expected, it can be difficult to make sense of what’s happening.
That was certainly my experience first time round.
Breastfeeding hurt. I was unwell after the birth and my milk supply never seemed to be enough. My son always seemed hungry and I spent months worrying about whether he was getting what he needed.
Looking back, I realise I was carrying around an expectation that feeding would somehow feel more straightforward than it did.
A few years later, I had my second son and the experience couldn’t have been more different.
Before he was born, I’d already bought bottles and formula. I’d made my peace with the idea that breastfeeding might not work out and I wasn’t prepared to put myself through the same pressure again.
In the end, he latched on almost immediately and feeding was easy.
I used to watch television while he fed. I kept a huge bottle of water upstairs and made sure there were always snacks nearby. After the school run, we’d often climb back into bed for an hour and feed, cuddle and nap before the rest of the day started.
What surprised me most wasn’t that the experience was different.
It was just how different it was.
If somebody had told me after my first son was born that I would go on to breastfeed another baby happily for fourteen months, I wouldn’t have believed them.
Feed Trapped
One thing I don’t think anybody warned me about was how much of your day breastfeeding can take up.
Before I had children, I imagined feeding as something that happened between everything else. In reality, feeding often became the thing everything else had to work around.
Women sometimes describe feeling “feed trapped” and I think most breastfeeding mums know exactly what that means.
It isn’t really about the feed itself.
It’s about the timing.
The baby wants feeding just as you’re about to leave the house or when you’ve finally sat down to eat. Sometimes you’ve spent all morning trying to get something done and then everything has to wait.
Every family has different challenges. Some babies sleep through anything. Others wake if somebody sneezes three rooms away. Sometimes mum is exhausted. Sometimes baby is unwell. Sometimes there’s an older child who still needs collecting from nursery or school.
Feeding has a habit of cutting across whatever was happening at that particular moment.
That’s why women can love breastfeeding and still occasionally feel frustrated by it.
At two o’clock in the morning, the thoughts are often much smaller and more practical than people imagine.
You’re trying to remember where you left your water bottle.
You realise you should have gone to the bathroom before the baby latched on.
You’re wondering whether turning the television on will wake your partner or whether it’s worth moving to another room.
None of those thoughts are particularly dramatic.
They’re just the realities of feeding a baby in the middle of the night, night after night.
When Everyone Stops Asking
One thing that did surprise me was how quickly people assume you’ve got it figured out.
In the first few weeks there are appointments, visitors, messages and check-ins. Partners are often at home and people regularly ask how feeding is going.
A few months later, those conversations tend to happen less often. People assume you’ve got feeding sorted and life is settling down.
Meanwhile, you’re still feeding the baby several times a day and perhaps several times a night too.
The questions haven’t necessarily disappeared just because the baby is older.
I think that’s one of the reasons breastfeeding can sometimes feel lonely.
Not because there aren’t people around you, but because the support often fades long before the feeding does.
What My Sons Taught Me
That’s one of the reasons I’m always cautious when women ask me what breastfeeding will be like.
I can tell you about my experiences and I can tell you about some of the things women in my postnatal Mum & Baby Yoga classes talk about, but I can’t tell you what your experience will be.
My first son taught me one thing and my second son taught me something completely different.
Between them, they cured me of the idea that breastfeeding follows a predictable path.
You can prepare.
You can learn.
You can ask questions.
But nobody can tell you exactly what your experience will be.
If feeding turns out to be harder than you expected, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
And if it turns out to be easier than you expected, that’s wonderful too.
Pregnancy and postnatal yoga classes in E14, Canary Wharf, Isle of Dogs and surrounding East London areas.
Shar – E14YogaCoach
